Table of Contents

Acknowledgments                                                                                     xiii

Introduction                                                                                               xv

                             Chapter One: Stepfamily Ties and Tribulations                                              1

           Some Facts and Figures                                                                

           Stepiamily Styles and Types                                                        

           Myths and Misconceptions                                                         

           Syncopated Living Rhythms                                                        

           Unfinished Emotional Business                                                   

           Before Saying “I Do”                                                                    

                             Chapter Two: Life After Divorce                                                                   19

           Stepfamily Roles                                                                         

           Spoiled Brat Syndrome                                                                

           Inappropriate Power                                                                     

           Discipline                                                                                    

           Scheduling                                                                                  

           Stepsiblings                                                                                

                             Chapter Three: Period of Adjustment                                                           39

           Fairy Tales Don’t Come True                                                       

           Reunion Fantasy                                                                         

           Escape Fantasy: Divorce                                                             

           Feelings of Stepparent Powerlessness                                       

           I’ll See You in Court                                                                   

           In the Child’s Best Interests                                                        

           Who’s to Blame?                                                                       

           Negotiating with the Ex                                                               

Chapter Four: A Mom Who Isn’t a Mom                                                        59

           Stepmother Stereotypes, Pitfalls, and Myths                            

           Inhibition of Feelings                                                                

           Appropriate Boundaries and Limits                                            

           Stepmother Assets vs. Liabilities                                              

           Changing Roles, Changing Times                                              

           Conflicting Loyalties                                                                    

Chapter Five: Emotional Minefields of Stepfamily Life                                     72

           Defense Mechanisms                                                                    

           Fear and Anxiety                                                                            

           Guilt                                                                                              

           Anger                                                                                            

           Jealousy                                                                                        

           Resentment                                                                                   

           Low Sell-esteem                                                                             

           Stress                                                                                            

           Grief and Loss                                                                                 

Chapter Six: Council and Communication                                                     92

           Focus on the Couple                                                                     

           Marriage Work Vs. Parenting Work                                          

           Keys to Communication                                                           

Chapter Seven: Relationship Saving Suggestions:

           How It All Can Work                                                                       102

           The Summum Bonum                                                                     103

           Beyond War Within the Self                                                            106

Epilogue                                                                                                   111

Appendix A: Rules in Brief                                                                          113

Appendix B: Addresses You Should Know                                                   119

Appendix C:

Convenient Checklist of Topics for Discussion                                              121

Notes                                                                                                       123

References                                                                                                129